I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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