Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize