ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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