3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
