apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
