I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
