Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
