After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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