Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
