Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
