i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
