so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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