and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Four minutes until I can fart!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
