why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
bring money and cleavage
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
