I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
