Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
