How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
