This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
