If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
