Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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