i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
