I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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