I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
