I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
