I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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