You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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