Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
