I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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