please come you make the beer taste better
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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