just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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