My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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