I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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