She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
