R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
