Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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