Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
