my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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