Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
