...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
