the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
