So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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