she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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