Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
