She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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