God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
