you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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