i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
