he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
