When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I AM VODKA MAN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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