Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
