Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
