you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
