I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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