Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
