remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
