Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
