Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
