I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
