I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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