this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize