We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
