Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
