just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
