He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
