all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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