So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
