when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Life is so much better after having sex.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
