Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
