can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
