I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
