I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Damn victory sex feels great
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize