Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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